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It's Shanti, your queer baby sister here! 

Ashanti Marshall is a digital archivist, experiential writer and staff scribe at For The Scribes, spearheading Recovering Softcover, an advice column catering to writers and their inner woes within their craft and themselves. Based in Chicago, being a fat, black queer and femme moment in time. Their relationship to the practice of understanding makes room for explorations, experimentations, mistakes, failures and curiosities in their writing. Connect with them on Twitter and Instagram asking you all the right, real, riveting questions.

 

DESIRE

DESIRE

Your desire and your pleasure with yourself is one thing. It’s whole and beautiful and continuing to be realized. Your partner’s desire and their pleasure with themselves is another thing, similar to yours. It’s whole and beautiful and continuing to be realized. I’m careful and considerate to use the phrasing “continuing to be realized” because it speaks to the breadth and vastness of encounters and experiences.

I define an encounter as parallel to an eyewitness. You’re close enough to this happening that you can articulate what it is, assume what you do and don’t like from an observation but refuse to engage trust and undergo the process of experiencing a thing, in this case: desire. The experience is what it is but it’s also what it does to you, how it shapes you and your perspective.

With an experience, you offer something and receive another thing in exchange. You leverage trust, weighing words and actions at face-value. What is face-value? The value of the perspective someone chooses to show you. They have choices and so do you, always remember this. The presentation of value determines how and when you respond to it.

Consider what you discover from desire. What you will and won’t do, what you can and can’t do and what is yours and what is not. Attraction at its most heightened expression forces you to make a decision: providing you something similar (the option your intuition wants for you) and something foreign (the option that affords you difference, the only can only do through to experience and become more of yourself, entering something else and changing it that has no qualms with you doing so). This decision is determined by how you act because outward expression is the simplest and most widely understood expression. Your first defense is the skin and touch of the external environments you enter.

You are always entering something. How often do you revel in its distinct newness? Every environment offers growth, adapt to more nuanced ways of seeking growth and you will attract it. Also our environments instinctually teach us how to leave. We become uncomfortable and think about all of the feelings that can be expressed at the experience of someone or something leaving us. We make a choice to be triggered when we refuse to learn to exhibit and embody grace. What balance can departure create in and for your life?

What influences your actions? There will always be something you can do that is within your control and something that you can’t do...yet. Growth knows it is spontaneous, it wants you to understand this. Growth is your nature, therefore spontaneity is your world. How often are you in it versus escaping it?

What persuades you to go one way or the other? What persuades you to even move from the present moment? Is your decision worth its sacrifice? This debate on even considering a decision has both external and internal impact. The external impact is how your environment interacts with you. The internal impact is how and why you perceive this impact the way that you do.

God is familiar with our desires, this is why they exist in all of their manifestations as a part of us. Your feeling, your understanding, your knowing is not separate from the presence and ability of God. It’s as natural as Creation, as natural as we are created. This freedom functions to alter and enhance your perspective due to your relationship to something or something else, be present in engaging desire as an agent of change.

 

HEALING

HEALING

PRESENCE

PRESENCE

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