It's Shanti, your queer baby sister here! 

A brown girl befriending brown liquor and green herbs. They trust what moves them as truth. You can find them deep in the earth of things, fully involved and stimulated by how they view change and create it. A digital archivist  by trade, oracle by birthright, they are of the elements and with them, deeply.

EX-FACTOR

EX-FACTOR

There is a truth that is always factual, no matter what. That truth is experience. My most full breaths have existed and escaped me because love was leading me. Where to? Always back to myself, eventually. Walking up and down Linden Boulevard in East Flatbush, my ex of two years past [REDACTED] and I had the most truth reflected through words about love. Where it was, where it is, the terms and conditions of it and mostly the work of it.

Love is work and trust and respect and compassion and change and so much more. Love is not just the initial interest that causes you to become infatuated with the representation of a person and your perception of them. Most commonly, due to the rise of social media’s influence coupled with a decrease of the application of common sense, people attach an infatuation to a representation (that hasn’t shown its layers - and has no reason to, if trust and respect have yet to be established) and deem this love. “Love” cracks under the maintenance of this representation because we exist within an overall culture that agrees to the notion that expressing love equates to people-pleasing in an intimate circumstance. It doesn’t, by the way.

Love is a thing willing to start and just be. Ain’t no forever promised, but it can be possible as long as both parties are as present with themselves as they are with each other. In the beginning and in the middle and in the end is secure vulnerability. Are you confident in your full truth?

The only people unafraid of change are dead people because they are eternally fixed and decomposing. Go forward with the mistakes and allow them the commitment, effort and faith it takes to turn them into measurements of growth. Your lessons will continue to show up the more you avoid them, in and out of relationship-situationship-friends with benefits- etc. The lessons chase out of you what you most need to understand.

If you trust that you are better than the circumstance binding you to these old habits, thought processes and ways of being, then you can believe in the capabilities of your work ethic. Sometimes, it is meant for you to take it slow when growing. You’re still on your way, you’re still taking steps forward.

Love is consistent compassion. Nothing blooms all year long, are you willing and capable and able to weather yourself as well as another person? Most importantly, do you season? Are you aware of your changing?

What motivates these expressions? Love and fear. Love as the presence of determination, commitment, knowledge of need and support in accessing what you need. Fear as the presence of indecision, worry and stagnation disguised as contemplation and “planning”. Where do you stand with your self and your heart and your partner? Evaluate the emotional.

Love as respect. You can’t respect something or someone that you don’t know. Are you listening to learn about and from them? Listening requires stillness within yourself to receive them, only then can attention be formed, informed and appreciated.

IMPORTANT NOTE:

Attention is a form of worship.

Attention is a form of worship.

Attention is a form of worship.

Treat it as such, need it as such, utilize it as such.

Love as a work and love as a change. Understand that you will not forever “honeymoon” with your partner nor will one person ever meet your every and evolving expectation. People only respond to what they see, partners are not mind readers. Speak up, vocalize your needs. Closed mouths really will not get fed. And love is not a starving thing.

The golden rule in relationships is commonly, “Don’t ask for what you can’t or at the very least aren’t willing to give.” If you do this, seek healing and help before love.
Change is inevitable, allow the people you love the freedom and space to do so. It has been happening way before this union, is happening during this union and will happen after this union. Do not remain so fixed that you forget to forgive the infinite possibilities of growth. No, you won’t like or agree with every change your partner encounters and experiences but you can learn to live with how these adjustments shape them. Ask thoughtful questions, listen with intention, repeat often.

PRISMS

PRISMS

MINDFULNESS

MINDFULNESS

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